There’s no denying it…
Being a special needs mom is hard…like almost all the time it’s hard. But tonight was truly, hands down one of the hardest so far.
Let me start by saying that’s Grant’s school is absolutely amazing! Everyone from principal, to teachers, to staff, to lunch ladies and students. Amazing!! I have never once felt like Grant was ever overlooked or left out…until tonight!
Tonight was the 3rd Grade Shining Star night. One of my favorite nights next to S.T.E.M. Night. We get to go and see what the kids are doing in each of their specials. We participate in an activity in PE. Tonight was a fun basketball Make It, Take It game. Grant loved it as did all his other classmates, the parents and siblings. We were all smiles!
Next we went to the classroom to do a fun activity. We were one of the last to walk in. Each child is crowded around their desk with their loved ones doing a paper about their favorite things. Grant’s desktop was empty. I thought maybe I missed something and we have to get the paper from somewhere. I asked his sub (his amazing teacher had a baby early February so she’s on maternity leave…but we did get to see her and the baby tonight!) if Grant had a paper. Her response was “No he wasn’t in the room when we did them.” Now I completely understand Grant is not always in the classroom. But when all the other kids do a paper that is going to be done on a special night then make sure EVERY kid has one. If a kid was sick that day did they not have one? Grant’s desk was the only empty desk I saw. It’s not Grant’s fault. My heart shattered into a million pieces right there in that classroom (for the second time in less than three weeks but that’s a whole different story). We left the room because if I stayed in there the tears would’ve flowed.
We headed from there into the commons area and ran into the art teacher and got a sneak peek of the mask he made and the art work on display which again broke my heart because not one bit of it was done by him. The theme was baseball which I have no doubt in my mind he did choose. But that coloring and artwork was not his. So again a big tug at my momma heart.
Then we went to music…my heart was happy in music! His amazing (do you see a theme here 😁) music teacher wanted him front and center so he could interact with Grant. And he did just that!! Grant looked at him with such pride. Also a proud mom moment…I had him sitting cross cross applesauce and he was doing so so great! I was so proud! Even his teacher noticed and commented on how great he was doing sitting! Made me smile especially that she noticed!
Again, his school is amazing and I couldn’t imagine him being anywhere else! He walked in and was greeted by several of his friends. He even had one of his good friends tell him he looked nice tonight. I cannot stress that enough. But some transitions this year have not been as smooth as I had hoped and I think it’s getting to Grant.
Like I said being a special needs parent is hard enough. I’m reminded everyday…several times…of all the things Grant can’t do. I watch him watching his peers and wonder what is going on in the brilliant brain. I watch him long to do what other almost 9 year olds are doing wanting so badly to do that. But I also know all the amazing things he can do and we keep those on our hearts and try not to think about the negative. But tonight punched me in the gut and I just feel defeated! The tears streaming down my face show the pain in my heart.
Moral of the story: this is a tough one tonight…even when life gets you down always find a reason to smile.
Have a blessed day!